I’ve been getting this message a lot lately. I mean A LOT.
I met with a woman who knows my mom, and works as a consultant. We were talking about how I could potentially use my skills on a consultant type basis. When I started to talk about my business idea she heard the change in my voice. She actually heard the passion, the heart. And she said as much.
Now there’s a part of me that says “well I can be passionate about anything” but lately, not so much. I’ve had a lot of trouble getting emotionally invested in anything, especially over the last couple of years.
I had a coaching call with Tanya Stewart, Esq. from Soulutionary . I had won a reading and the coaching call through a contest as a part of Prema Lee Gurreri’s book launch for “Your Sacred Wealth Code”
I haven’t read the book yet. but from what I gather from the reading and the website (and a fun little quiz on the website), there are different wealth archetypes in your soul, and tapping into these helps you to find your purpose or calling, and become wealthy while doing so.
During this coaching call, Tanya had me pegged right off. She can tell that I’m the super logical type, and that I give my brain all of the responsibility for everything and my heart is just a muscle to pump blood. She was completely right. I cut myself off from my emotions very early on, and that has actually caused a lot of the problems I’ve had in my life. I used to think that I just didn’t have emotions. As I’ve grown over time I’ve come to realize that they’re just too much for me to handle so I cut them off. Apparently I’m a Vulcan. (actually I’m an aspie, but are the two really so different?)
While we were talking Tanya asked me an eye-opening question. I’ve let my brain (or ego) take charge all this time, and where has it landed me? Do I like where I am? In some ways yes, I very much like where I am. I have a super cute little home that suits me perfectly, an amazing boyfriend, pets, loving family, etc. I live in one of the greatest countries in the world, I received top-notch education my whole life, and I live a life of a fair amount of luxury. BUT- I’m not happy. There is very little meaning or purpose in my life. As much as I thought I was independent and doing things my way and being immune to peer pressure, I was still very much achieving things to impress other people. I’ve learned that I want to be seen in a certain light by other people. And mostly, I think I just want to show my dad that I’m better than him, and all he sees as being significant is material wealth (long story). I see now that in order to truly have a sense of meaning, purpose, and significance in this life I have to do something with my life that serves others in some way. I’ve always felt that I was put here for a reason, that I have a calling to make a difference in the world. According to Tanya, it’s not my brain that’s going to get me there; it’s my heart. And chasing after material goods certainly isn’t the way to get there.
On Wednesday I drove my mom to an appointment 2 hours away and then back home again when it was all done. Altogether with time at the hospital and having lunch we spent a good 9 or so hours together. I’m lucky to have a really awesome mom, and we had some really deep conversations. I talked with her about her consultant friend that I met as well as my coaching call. And we talked about some of her current challenges. Mom is easily one of the most inspirational people in my life.
Thursday was really just a rest day. My health is still not optimal, and I had a lot to process.
I had an exceptionally productive day, and checked a lot of things off of my to-do list. Part of that was catching up on what I had fallen behind on for my Mindvalley Quest. One of the days activities was a meditation in which you meet your master. This was the most effective guided meditation I think I’ve ever experienced, likely because I was already so open to the messages I’d been receiving all week. Essentially I was shown that I’m going to stumble and fall a bit, but when I get my feet under me and take that leap, I’m going to fly free.
My boyfriend took me to see Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2. This movie just seemed to bring the themes of the week together and tie it up with a nice little bow. Heart over brain and ego, the power of love over fear, true family, etc.
After the movie I talked to my boyfriend about how I’ve been receiving the same messages all week. He pointed out that following your heart rather than your mind is an oft-repeated moral in a lot of our cultural stories. This is true of course, but apparently I’ve been a lot more receptive to the message this week.